Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize