imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
