I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
