There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
