I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
