I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
