so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
