he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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