btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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