I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just pee around me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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