Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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