literally had 100 drinks last night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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