Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize