Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
