oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
