I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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