i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
