I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
