the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
