I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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