Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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