According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's blow job season.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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