woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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