I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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