I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
