I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
