I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
