I would go down on you faster than GM stock
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
