I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
