id be glad to
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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