On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
