I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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