she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
