apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
