You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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