Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
