This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
