hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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