Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
