I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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