going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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