so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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