and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
