Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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