those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
