i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
