Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
