I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
