Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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