I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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