I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
BRING THE BAGELS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
