i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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