I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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