He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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