It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
