Are we in a gay sports bar?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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