I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
