Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
