so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
