My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
